“Don’t block your blessing.” If you’re a woman I’m sure that you have heard this a time or two or three in your life. It’s usually centered around dating or relationships. While both men and women give out this unsolicited advice, women are usually on the receiving end of it. I know that when people say it they mean well but I cringe every time someone says it to me. It’s been said to me in different scenarios and in a bunch of different ways. I’ve been told that when I decline to go out with a man that I’m not attracted to or interested in. I’ve been told that when I am just frustrated and disgusted with the dating scene and don’t even want to be bothered with it. I’ve also been told that if I announce that I’m taking a hiatus from dating (which I’m currently doing) because I’m just not ready to get back out there. My pastor has told the women at my church multiple times not to “close our kitchens” which means to not decline a date even if we just got out of a relationship or a situation that left us heartbroken and needing to heal. Again I know that the message comes from a place of love but I can’t help but hear “Girl you better be glad someone is asking you out. Don’t pass that up!”
I think that what bothers me the most about this statement (and statements like it) are that they are very rarely (if at all) said to men. Men constantly say they aren’t looking to date seriously or aren’t ready for a relationship for a multitude of reasons. It could be because they just got out of a relationship, or they want to focus on their careers, or they want to casually date multiple women, or they just don’t want the responsibility of a relationship. No matter the reason no one ever tells them not to block their blessing. Men constantly turn women down for superficial reasons and again they are never told to date a women they aren’t attracted to or that isn’t their type for whatever reason. Double standard much?
I mentioned in my blog post about stepping out of your comfort zone that in the last 3 years I put myself out there in the romance/relationship department and got my heart broken. As a result I am taking a break from dating to heal from that. Most of the time (thankfully not all) when I have shared the fact that I am taking a break, I have been told that I am blocking my blessing or missing out on a potential relationship. If you’re someone that can get out of one situation and immediately jump into another one I respect your journey but that is just not mine. I take matters of the heart seriously and I have had my time wasted and been strung along and I would never want to do that to someone else. I recognize that right now I am not ready to put myself back out there. I also recognize that it is selfish of me to just agree to dates because I’m lonely or to just pass the time when I know that my head is not really in it. My opinion is that if more people took a break from dating to heal and figure out what they want there would be less dating with no purpose, less baggage being dragged into a new relationship, less wasted time, and less hurt feelings but I digress.
Also, I feel that being worried that taking a break would potentially block a blessing in the romance department is a bit contradictory. When I think of the word “blessing” I think of God. And when I think of God, I think of his will being fulfilled for my life regardless. While I recognize that we have free will and can make our own choices in life, God’s will ultimately will be done. Sometimes we choose his way to get there and most of the time we choose our own (more difficult) way to get there but I believe we ultimately end up in the same place…his will for our life. Most people believe that to be true. So, if we believe that to be true how can we also believe that we are blocking a blessing? If I decline a date with a man because I know I am not in the right place to receive what he has to offer the way that I should and this man is “for me” our paths will cross again. But, if I entertain this man knowing that I am not ready I think the potential is there to cause unnecessary pain. Sure we may still end up together in the long run but the path to together may be a little more difficult than it really needed to be.
If you’re someone that is taking a break I applaud you for that self reflection and strength. No matter the reason it is your decision to make. Please do not allow anyone to make you question a decision that you know in your heart is right for you.
I recognize there will be people that disagree with what I’ve written and that is fine. Our differences and our individual journeys are what makes us all special and unique. With that being said if you disagree you should also respect the decision of those who feel it is necessary to take a break. You never know what someone has been through and how it has affected them. People heal in their time and in their own ways. What works for you may not work for others. So, we should all be respectful of those differences even if we don’t understand them.
